Episode 12: Player Ranking – The Suspects

A crime is imminent, a grand theft of a million dollars, and dare I say, of the hearts of viewers everywhere. The countdown has nearly expired. Here are the suspects:

 

Prime Suspect

Tony Vlachos, aka Big T, T Bone, The Copfather, Tony Diesel

While sources suggest his associates have put a hit out on him, Vlachos remains our prime suspect. Our investigation team is unsure of how Mr Vlachos could pull off a job of this magnitude while he is being targeted by fellow criminals, but we have learned over the last few months NEVER to count him out of the fight.

 

tonyface

Master of disguise

 

Occupation:  Cop/fake construction worker/Llama

Strengths: Playing Survivor, lying, eating pizza, rocking a bandana, shack building

Weaknesses: Paranoia, ego, slide puzzles

Family status: Investigators have been unable to reliably confirm whether Vlachos has one or more wives, husbands, girlfriends or boyfriends, one or more babies of either gender, or, indeed, even if he has parents.

Known associates: Vlachos has an extensive network or connections, many of whom believe he has sworn his loyalty to them. While he may have disciples, Vlachos, like all dangerous men, does not have any real friends. He trusts no one enough to work with them on this heist.

 

The Contender

Spencer Bledsoe, aka Spence, Young Man

Profilers have been surprised to see Bledsoe rise through the criminal ranks due to his unpleasant personality and awkward facial expressions, but his chess expertise and physical abilities have seen him pull off some impressive feats. Mr Bledsoe would not be the first unlikeable thief to take the million and our grudging respect.

in my mouth

Occupation: Student, since debate continues as to whether ‘Chess Expert’ is a real job

Strengths: Winning when it counts, doing puzzles

Weaknesses: Facial expressions, keeping his mouth shut, humility

Family status: Single, we can only assume

Known associates: All of Bledsoe’s previous gang members have fallen, victims of the ongoing bloodshed of Survivor. He has an uneasy alliance with one Kass McQuillen and has made overtures towards Woo Hwang, but we believe he will make his attempt on the millions alone.

 

The Underdog

Woo Hwang, aka The Ninja, Hunter of Papayas

It is surprising to see someone as likeable and harmless as Mr Hwang considering a crime of this nature, we consider him something of a fish out of water. Fellow criminals are unlikely to want to team up with him due to his honesty and vulnerability but should he find himself facing the safe, millions on view, we believe he may be capable of previously unseen cunning. No one can really be that relaxed, RIGHT?

Woo-hoo!

Woo-hoo!

 

Occupation: Martial Arts Instructor, please note this may be cover for his true occupation as a Ninja

Strengths: Looks, climbing, balance, finding clues in pants, entertaining children, stealth

Weaknesses: Puzzles, seriously guys, he cannot do puzzles

Known associates: Tony, and children all over the world

 

Not a Suspect

Kass McQuillen, aka Chaos Kass, Llama

Agents, if you see Kass McQuillen, do not be alarmed, she is not considered a suspect. Let her go about her business.

ChaosKassfinal

 

 

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Episode 12 – Tribal Recap (film noir style)

Image

 It was a long walk to the tribal council hideout, but it was a trail well trod for the troubled police man. No day on the beat could compare to the relentless lying, the hunger and the petty fights he had to endure on this dark island, and while he carried his secret armour in both pockets, it was anyone’s guess whether he’d use his precious loot to save his tough-as-nails sidekick.

As the night animals cried out, the five suspects trailed in. The man in green knew how to push their buttons, after all, he’d done it a hundred times before. This was nothing new. But for the suspects, every moment felt like a test of character, an opportunity to please the watching crowd, the waiting jury.

Image

Flames flickered in the background as they traded barbs, the policeman howling like a demented monkey. But the man in green was in charge now and as he sent them off, one by one, to vote my mind was plagued by a niggling fear. Why hadn’t the troubled policeman saved his sidekick? Could his mind be so clouded by deceit and lies, or were his intentions more sinister?

Image

As the man in green snubbed out her torch, our heroine looked wistfully back at her former compadre and as the smoke swirled across her svelte frame, she knew she still had a role to play, Boston gals don’t just lie down and fade away.

EPISODE 12 – RECAP – MUD STICKS

A thrilling episode? Nah. A vital episode? HELL YES!

We get back to camp and Spencer is once again feeling like the odd man out. He does his usual “I am the underdog -insert stupid over interpretive comment here” and it seems like everything will be coming up rosie for Tony.

Skipper and Gilligan

Skipper and Gilligan

Woo jumps on a boat with Tony and confides in him that Kass and Spencer wanted to dethrone him last week, and that Woo turned his back on them. Tony then confesses it will break his heart to have to eventually blindside his ninja buddy as he is a stand up person. Will the mud stick on Woo?

Plotting her own demise

Plotting her own demise

Tony heads to Kass to alert her that he was aware of her little plan and that he will overlook it as they have to get rid of Woo soon. Naturally, Kass decides to blab all to Woo to rock the boat. As she is doing so Tony walks right into it, one happens next is a much needed injection of laughter, Tony and Kass argue over game plans and T Bone impersonates Kass… An impressive llama rendition has me slapping my knee in delight. Woo is shown many times in deep thought, I have my fingers crossed he doesn’t do a Fabio this year. Will the mud stick on Tony?

What infuriates me this season is that Kass believes she is an agent of chaos, she isn’t, she is a horrible social player. My beloved Phillip Sheppard was derided week by week for Stealth R Us, but at least he united people in a positive manner. But, perhaps Kass is a necessary evil this season? How anyone could label Tony a villain over her is staggering.

Off to the reward challenge, time to get dirty, lather yourself in mud and fill a bucket. Over in a flash, Tony’s bucket is over flowing and no weigh in is needed. A shame for this Cop that this wasn’t for immunity. The reward is pathetic, pizza at camp. Really? Final 5 and that is the reward? Tony picks Trish to share the spoils, smartly declaring it is because she is skin and bones and needs it the most.

Survivor Claygayan

Survivor Claygayan

In another ‘Kass not being aware of people behind her moment’ Trish overhears her plans to woo Woo and send her packing at the next tribal. Trish calmly walks on bye, biting her tongue. Will the mud stick on Trish?

Up next is the immunity challenge. Massive challenge, Spencer loses and he is gone. The course is split into four sections, untangle a rope to gain a key, build a ladder, build a set of steps and then complete a slide puzzle. In another ‘napkin’ moment Spencer is given a puzzle to complete. Tony explodes out of the blocks and gets to the top first, Spencer is coming second (how symbolic of the entire season?) and the rest are lagging behind. Much to underdog fans across the globes glee, Tony can not figure out the slide puzzle, manically flipping pieces all over the place. Spencer finally catches up and completes it in no time. Hats off to him, he may be an annoying wanker, but he is standing up when it matters. It is because of this that he must keep winning to avoid elimination. Will the mud stick on Spencer?

Rope course 101

Rope course 101

Spencers playground

Spencer’s playground

Now shit gets real. With golden boy safe again the already cracking alliance of four must now turn on each other, it doesn’t take long as something snaps inside of Trish and she goes full mogwai on Kass. The highlight was when she said she would “rip you apart in 30 seconds”. Trish basically says what everyone has wanted to say, and it is at the this moment I am certain Kass makes it to the end. Will the mud stick on Kass?

Stop! In the name of Mud...

Stop! In the name of Mud…

Tony goes into damage control and tries to allay Woo’s fears that he was going to send him out, Woo, a terrible liar, does nothing to reassure Trish or Tony that he will vote off Kass.

From where I am sitting it is with a heavy heart that I think Trish is going home… Unless Tony plays his spare idol. Will he? Won’t he?  Find out in Katie’s tribal recap!

 

 

 

 

Episode 11 – Player Rankings

Okay, chimps, this is how things stand, power wise, and if I am in any way incorrect I will dutifully eat my hat!

5. Kass – useless, my pinkie toe wields more power than you.

4. Woo – wait, but aren’t your hands sore yet from sitting on them all season?

3. Spencer – look, you’ve done okay and hung in there for a good while longer than any of us could have rightly hoped for, despite your awkward faces.

2. Trish – you go, girlfriend, in a great position to knock Tony off his mighty perch.

1.  T-t-t-t-ony! The super, special kinder surprise idol-palooza has put him in an almost unbeatable position at least until the final 4. Kudos to you, my friend.

 

EPISODE 11 – WINNERS & LOSERS

So long Tasha. It is hard to know whether she tried hard enough to shake things up out there or the producers are only showing us what we need to see (apparently before Jefra got booted she found a clue to an idol in the cookie bowl… we never knew!).

Winners everywhere, losers everywhere. Here we go!

WINNERS

1. Tony, Trish, Spencer and Woo

They all have a crack at the million now. A deserving 4 too. You could argue that Tasha is the only other castaway that deserves a shot at the million. In a topsy turvy season it strangely seems fair.

Should we practice our opening statements yet?

Should we practice our opening statements yet?

2. Trish

She looked gone for all money. I get that Woo didn’t flip (why give up 3rd for 4th spot?) but I was surprised Kass didn’t even try force a tie at the very least. Massive win for Trish, from certain elimination to having a genuine shot at it.

Cheapo Deapo, I escaped the Booto!

Cheapo Deapo, I escaped the Booto!

3. Woo

He has a lot of power currently. He really is the swing vote now, a good place to be in but also a difficult place to find yourself in.

4. Spencer (and Jeff)

He is an idiot… But what a time to pull out immunity! Spencer is the last bit of hope Jeff has left of some competition for Tony.

Crack that whip...

Crack that whip…

5. Tony’s mind reading credibility

Boy oh boy did he rip Woo to shreds in a few seconds. Saw right through him.

Squint. Vote out. Repeat.

Squint. Vote out. Repeat.

LOSERS

1. Kass

It has past being funny now. Absolutely useless. Wrong about Tony’s whispering and another wrong move at tribal. Big moves win the game, not emotional ones.

2. Spencer

Things just don’t go his way do they. Lost Tasha and another chance to even the ledger.

3. Woo and Kass

Lost a vote from Tasha. Starting to think that Woo might not have many friends on the jury now, which is strange for such a nice guy.

Final 2?

Final 2?

4. The viewers

This really should have been a tribal for the ages…

5. The viewers x 2

There are only 2 weeks left! What a season it has been so far.

 

Episode 11: Tribal Council (chaos Kass part 2)

It was really a tough one to decide which of these faces best represented my feelings about this trouble council, so I’m going with all three:

morganpissed jefraunimpressed jeffwhat

 

The comrades roll in, apparently accompanied by Tony’s bag of tricks, which surely has an agent and several parody twitter accounts by now. The jury also files in, and can we please take a moment to appreciate that this jury is now 80% beautiful (no offense Sarah, I think you’re cute as a button)?

So no one told you life was gonna be this way Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A. It's like you're always stuck in second gear When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year, but...

So no one told you life was gonna be this way
Your job’s a joke, you’re broke, your love life’s D.O.A.
It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear
When it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month, or even your year, but…

Tash talks about having a target on her back, Tony says she wasn’t scrambling so he’s suspicious (hence the Bag o Tricks®). Since I’m in a mood to compliment Tony, I will say that he seems to be a better liar than anyone else playing this season. Tash makes the completely sensible point that Tony is a huge threat. HUGE. But he plays his magic pipes, whispers the secret words about loyalty and trust, and I guess they believe him? Or do they? I don’t even know anymore. He talks about his idol and how he is keeping out of the hands of the (dwindling) enemy. Trish makes her only contribution to the tribal council (and maybe to the episode) by saying that Tony would use the idol for one of them if they need it.

trishtrust

Oh Pa, he swears he’ll marry me when the time is right. Swears it!

I genuinely have no idea whether Trish actually buys Tony’s bizarre post-blindside reassurances, or whether this is part of her bigger plan to turn on him later. Someone please tell me!

When Jeff asks if everyone believes that Tony has two idols, he can hardly contain his glee.

Oh stop. Shucks.

Oh stop. Shucks.

So Kass’ turn to tell everyone there’s going to be a blindside and that Tony’s loyalty is disingenuous. I suppose we were supposed to go into this council session believing that Kass might actually flip along with Woo – both flushing the idol and getting rid of Tony’s right-hand gal and winner-contender Trish. This would be an actual sensible move, and great gameplay. Which is why I’m sure we all went in with no faith whatsoever that it would happen.

Fellow viewers, please somebody tell me, is anyone else sharing in this delusion that Kass has that the fate of the game depends on her? Also, while you’re in explaining mode, why does she tell everyone in this council session that there is going to be a blindside? What possible benefit does her bluffing that she’s turned on the group have for her?

Kass’ idea that she could EVER beat Tony, who combines the magic of being a great player (if everyone who falls for his nonsense is to be believed), an incredibly lucky player, and someone who is so nutso and entertaining, the producers must daily line up to kiss his feet, is LUDICROUS.

Anyway. Kass and Woo both chicken out and Tash goes home. I genuinely liked her and I thought she played well. Almost everyone left on screen kind of rubs me the wrong way, except maybe Woo but I can’t imagine what he could do between now and the finale to actually be a potential winner. I guess I’m rooting for Tony, or maybe it would be more entertaining to see Trish rise up and turn on him.

The only sensible comment in this session comes from Spencer, who asks how long this trust and support for Tony is going to last.

Excellent question. Til next time.

Episode 11 – Episode Recrap

This week’s episode starts out  like most episodes do, with the tribe making their way back to camp after another member has been voted off.  Tony acknowledges the elephant in the room, and asks if he needs to justify his reasoning for voting off Jefra.  Trish speaks up and backs Tony.  She’s STILL got his back.  I sincerely hope that she’s playing along until the final 3 when the nails finally comes out.

Cult of Personality.

Cult of Personality.

Kass speaks up.  It sounds like somebody has had enough of being manipulated in this alliance.  I’m sure that she’ll mix things up by the end of this episode.  The cold open never deceives.

Chaos Kass with her twisted knickers wake up the next morning late to what she thinks is Tony talking ____ about her.  We learn that she’s simply misheard him, but she’s adamant about what she’s heard.  Spencer confides in the camera  that he knows that Tony actually didn’t say anything, but he’s enjoying the fireworks too much to stop the show.

I heard him say that I look weird in my green swimsuit.

“I heard him say that I look weird in my green swimsuit.”

The argument simmers and boils to the point where Tony and Kass talk about voting each other off.  Tony takes the opportunity to boast to the group that he not only has a hidden immunity idol, but also the idol with special powers.  Tony even asks Spencer if he heard him announce it.  In truth, this announcement carries  little risk  and makes little difference.  With only 2 more opportunities to use his idols, he can’t be voted off before the final four, at which point idols become useless (we assume).  This was just another chance for Tony to puff out his chest and show his dominance over the rest of the group.

I've got the power!

I’ve got the power!

Before I move on, Kim spotted Woo starting into the camera and we had to rewind to capture this rare instance of a reality actor looking at the lens.  Do NOT looks into the lens Woo!

How's it going beautiful?  My name's Woo.

“How’s it going beautiful? The name’s Woo.”

Onto the reward challenge!

This challenge was a carnival game of sorts.  Toss the sand bags to knock over blocks, then reassemble the blocks faster than the opposing team can.  It was alright fun.  We learned that Kass has a pretty good arm.

reward challengereward challenge 2

Purple team wins (Woo, Kass and Spencer).  Their reward is visiting a Filipino elementary school to visit, share lunch and bring school supplies to the children in need.   This was a pretty great part of the episode.  We learned a few things about the tribe members on this trip.

1. Spencer doesn’t care too much for children.

Yuck, that monster almost touched me.

“Yuck, that monster almost touched me.”

2. Woo is a ninja.

kick sequence

“Ki-yaaaaaa!!”

and 3. Woo really likes children.

woo hugs kids

“This one’s mine!”

little girl covers eyes

“Oh no! Hide from the horrible man!”

Just joking!  I couldn’t resist some creative editing.  But seriously, Woo was awesome with the kids.  It looked like he had a great time entertaining the children and that they enjoyed every minute of it.

During Lunch, the three of them spoke strategy.  Kass was fully on board for teaming up with Spencer and Tasha to vote out either Tony or Trish.  The idea behind the strategy was to at least flush out Tony’s immunity idol.  Woo was not as convinced that it was the best move for him to make.  Clearly it was a decision that he did not want to make hastily.

On the walk back to camp, Woo announced that he will go in on the plan.  He had thought long and hard about the decision, and though he was nervous about the fallout from Tony, he was convinced that it was his best way to go forward.  All of Kass’s hard work paid off!  “We can’t lose!” proclaims Spencer.

Immunity Challenge

If I can be honest, this was a pretty great challenge.  Simple enough in concept.  Count a bunch of different items, run over to your puzzle and enter the EXACT value of each of the counted items.  Once you have the exact number of each 6 groups of items, the puzzle will be solved and a bar will be released.  A Survivor challenge wouldn’t finish nearly that casually, so you also get to smash a tile with the bar.

I later realized when taking captures of this challenge, that out of context, this challenge looks boring as hell.  This is how the challenge went down…

1.  Count.

count 4

“1, 2, 3…”

2.  Count more.

count 3

“12, 13, 14…”

3.  Pull

Fail

“DAMN!”

4. Re-count

count 2

“21, 22, 23…”

5. Repeat for 25+ minutes!

At least somebody was having fun at this challenge.  Woo was loving it, and I’m not exactly sure why.

woo LOVES this challenge

*Baywatch Theme*

Others had more serious game faces on.

Where is John Connor?

“Where is John Connor?”

Anyways… it was tense and you had to be there.  Spencer pulls it out and Tasha nearly gets her fourth immunity in a row.  Now for the ceremonial smashing!

Smash it good.

Smash it good.

With Spencer off the chopping block, the new alliance of four makes plans to split their vote against Trish and Tony.  Everything appears to be going swimmingly.

who is going to vote for whom

“No Tasha, but your hands on your hips like THIS.”

Just before the sun sets, Kass gets an idea.  What if she can beat Tony at the final tribal?  What if Tony is so unlike-able, that she can steal the votes and the million?  I think that she’s delusional in thinking that she’s done enough to sway the tribe.  Tony may have made some enemies among the jury, but that shouldn’t stop her from making a decision.  This decision sounds like an overly-thought out double bluff.  Maybe not making a move is better than making a move?  I’m not so sure.  Kass approaches Woo with the idea and he’s a bit stunned.

For serious?

“You’re serious?”

What do Kass and Woo decide to do at tribal council?  Read Kim’s tribal recap to find out!